How does a family navigate the challenges of a loved one's chronic illness? In our inspiring conversation with Daphne Palacio, a special education teacher and mother of 7-year-old twins, we explore the resilience and support that has shaped her journey. Daphne shares her powerful story of discovering her husband's multiple sclerosis (MS) diagnosis, and how she has created an incredible support system for him.
As we learn about the impact MS has on Daphne's family, we also discuss the importance of maintaining a positive emotional tone in their relationship and the role of the Echelon spin bike community in her life. Daphne reveals her own incredible transformation, from a size 16 to a 4, and how her dedication to health and fitness has not only benefited her, but her entire family as well.
In this heartfelt episode, Daphne offers invaluable advice for those supporting a loved one living with an illness. She emphasizes the importance of involvement in their care, understanding, and the value of not letting them go through it alone. Join us as we dive into the world of a brave caregiver and take inspiration from her strength, love, and wisdom.
How does a family navigate the challenges of a loved one's chronic illness? In our inspiring conversation with Daphne Palacio, a special education teacher and mother of 7-year-old twins, we explore the resilience and support that has shaped her journey. Daphne shares her powerful story of discovering her husband's multiple sclerosis (MS) diagnosis, and how she has created an incredible support system for him.
As we learn about the impact MS has on Daphne's family, we also discuss the importance of maintaining a positive emotional tone in their relationship and the role of the Echelon spin bike community in her life. Daphne reveals her own incredible transformation, from a size 16 to a 4, and how her dedication to health and fitness has not only benefited her, but her entire family as well.
In this heartfelt episode, Daphne offers invaluable advice for those supporting a loved one living with an illness. She emphasizes the importance of involvement in their care, understanding, and the value of not letting them go through it alone. Join us as we dive into the world of a brave caregiver and take inspiration from her strength, love, and wisdom.
Welcome to the Mentally Strong Podcast. I'm Colum Sutherland. Join me on my journey as I explore and discover all there is to know about living well with multiple scurroses. I'm a normal guy who has recently diagnosed and started treatment. I will share with you my conversations with others who are living with this chronic condition and with professionals who provide resources and advice. My hope is to gain inspiration and ideas to improve your life.
Speaker 1:In today's episode of Mentally Strong, we look at the challenges families are facing when a loved one has multiple scurroses. My guest today played a big role in encouraging me to launch this podcast. She's the perfect guest for the first episode. We've never actually met and today will be our first conversation that isn't via text. So there is some good in social media. We're both a part of the echelon spin bike community and I happen to listen to an episode of this super excellent, not too serious bike that goes nowhere podcast, and she was the guest. When you hear her story, you'll understand why I reached out, why she inspires others with how she lives her life and, in my opinion, who wouldn't want to have someone like her in your corner? Daphne, welcome to the podcast.
Speaker 2:I'm like I don't want to get too loud. Thank you for having me. That was amazing.
Speaker 1:I could start a career in intros.
Speaker 2:You really should. That was really nice, that was really nice.
Speaker 1:And well deserved.
Speaker 2:It means the world to me. When you reach out to me, oh my gosh, you don't understand. It really does. It's just you never know when you're sharing your truth or just in just general and just having a conversation, you don't know who's listening or who and how people are taking things, and so it was really nice when you reached out and you felt comfortable enough to do that.
Speaker 1:Oh, I wouldn't say I felt comfortable.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:I did it anyway.
Speaker 2:Oh, you did it anyway, right. Well, i'm glad you took the chance. How about that?
Speaker 1:No, that's. That's more accurate, and I am too, because it's really worked out, because if I hadn't, we would not be here.
Speaker 2:Right, absolutely, absolutely, absolutely. So here we are, here we are.
Speaker 1:So on a part, go ahead, i know. So tell the listeners a little bit about you. Obviously, i built you up, but okay.
Speaker 2:So my name is Daphne Palacio, i am aka Spindiva. I'm the echelon community. I am a mother of seven and a half year old twins. I'm a special education teacher. I've been doing that almost 19 years now, so all I've ever wanted to do was be a teacher, as a special place in my heart for helping struggling learners, because I felt like I was a struggling learner when I was young. I've been married now for 14 years about. We just had an anniversary You think I would remember that And so my husband has multiple sclerosis and we found out the year that we were engaged. So here I am, and so you know, throughout the community I have met some amazing people in echelon community and coming to you. So here we are.
Speaker 1:So how long has your husband had MS?
Speaker 2:So let me go there. So my husband found out I we got married in 2010. During the engagement he would say to me when we were engaged, you know my toes are tingling, or he would have like some discomfort in his feet. Sometimes he would like trip. And so he says you know that he had. He thought he had maybe a pinched nerve because he had had a car accident before we met. So I asked him to go see my doctor and my doctor sent him to a neurologist who then told him he had multiple sclerosis.
Speaker 2:And up until this point I actually had never heard of multiple sclerosis. I had no idea of any of it And promise you no lies. I was picking up my wedding dress And about the week before we were about to say I do in Florida, we were going to fly down and he called me. He was leaving the neurologist and says, yeah, they said I have something called multiple sclerosis. And I was like, okay, well, you know, we'll get deal with that when we come back. And that was pretty much how it went down, because neither one of us really had an idea of what was happening. We didn't really understand it And we were fairly, i guess, young-ish, maybe like mid to late 20s, i would say 30s, rather So like 27-ish, you know, and but I just never really encountered it or heard too much about it. So, and he hadn't either. So I don't know if the doctor explained everything to him, but he just told me that. Oh, he told me was that the doctor said this, and I said, okay, well, we'll do when we come back. So we had taken some lessons and we went down to Florida and we did the wedding and we did, you know, we did the whole thing. It wasn't until so that was 2010.
Speaker 2:And so the first couple of years I didn't really take it seriously. I want to say Neither one of us did. He went to his doctor here and there, but it wasn't until maybe like year two or three where I went with him to the doctor, maybe like my year two. I went with him to the doctor And the doctor was like, oh, i'm so glad that you're here, because he would go sometimes and I would say, hey, so how did it go? Everything is good, all right, but he wouldn't really give me. He's not, he's a man of few words, you know. So I didn't get too much details. And so one day I said you know what I'm going to go with you. And so I did. And that's when the reality hit of what we were dealing with And the doctor said well, i'm glad that you're here. I feel like he hasn't really been taking this seriously, and it was in good timing because the doctor at the time was also about to retire. So at this point now it was time for us to now find a new doctor, and so he sent him to a new doctor and I went with him to those appointments. But we didn't like that doctor. It's been particular myself, i really wasn't a fan, and so I did some homework and found him another doctor, and so I think it took us about maybe two tries after that. But he's been pretty good since for a long while now about maybe more than five years now. Oh wait, more than five years, i want to say maybe seven or eight.
Speaker 2:But there was a lot going on within the first five years of our marriage, because I also had to do IVF, i was trying to get pregnant, so we were buying a house and I was trying to get pregnant and I was doing a lot of procedures and all different things going on with my body. So it was me trying to kind of help him with his And then, at the same time, then I began my own journey. I was a big girl. I was about 250 pounds when we first met. The time I got married I came down to maybe a little bit under 200, but trying to do a couple of things to myself change my diet to regulate hormones and different things And, at the same time, trying to be there for my husband and understand what he was going through. So again, to answer your question, because I'm going off in the whole history, but he's had it. We've known since 2010.
Speaker 1:So you mentioned, when you went to the doctor with your husband, you realized it was serious. So what was the reality check? Or what like what, what did he say? Or what did you learn that we went? oh okay, now this is serious.
Speaker 2:Well, for me, the reality check was I'm not sure for him, but for me for sure it was that I have to be more involved. I had to go with him to the doctors. I had to ask the questions. As I said before, he is a man of few words And I found, because we even had to go to like a urology we went to different types of doctors And if he went by himself he wouldn't ask them follow up questions. He would come home and ask the questions or think about it later. So I'm more in the moment. I'm asking all of the questions, embarrassed or not, i don't care, and I think I don't know For him. Maybe I don't know if he was embarrassed or maybe he didn't want to act, but again he would come home and it would be almost no answer. So I said you know what? I have to be more involved. I have to go with him, support him, talk to the doctors, ask all the questions, find out what I can do on my end, because I wasn't sure how serious maybe he was taking it or how much he was taking in. I wasn't sure what was happening. He also is not really good at sharing his feelings and things, but I really wasn't sure, but I just knew for me, as a wife, i now have to get more involved. So by the time he got to the final doctor, which he currently has, i'm actually really good friends with the doctor's secretary So I can go and say, hey, this is Daphne girl, how are you doing? And she goes oh, hey, because at this point they already know me. I'm like I think that Victor needs ABCDEFG. Oh yeah, i think we could do that. That's how it is. I'm that cool with the secretary and the doctor. I would try to go with him to the doctors. If I couldn't go, i would have him, i would be on FaceTime And I would ask the questions or watch or see what was happening And I would tell you.
Speaker 2:In particular, the moment where it was an aha for me was we were at a doctor And I remember exactly why we were there. So we get there, we sit down at the doctor, like OK, so what's the problem? Or something to that nature, and he was like, yeah, everything's good. And I was like, no, it's not, like I had to be the one to say things. And he was like, yeah, i'm good. No, like we have to step. We came here for a reason. Let's say what it is.
Speaker 2:You know, you ever see these people who? I have a friend who goes to her regular doctor and she has put on makeup and gets dressed up. You know, there's people that do that right, that they get all dressed up just to go to the doctor. And I'm like, but you're going to the doctor, what does it matter? But I have a friend that really does that And I feel like if he was a woman, it might have been like something to that nature. Well, it's like, yeah, no, i'm good. No, like you know, so I would be the one that would go and put things on the table and say this is what I'm seeing, this is what I'm noticing.
Speaker 2:One simple thing that happened where I noticed certain things with him and I had to tell the doctor because he wouldn't. And the doctor says, oh, that's a simple fix, he just needs to drink more water. And I was like, ok, i can work with that. But how would I have known that if we don't put it on the table? You know what I'm saying. So I've learned that with him and just in general, with anybody, even with yourself, in general, that's what the doctors are there for, you know, people go and I guess I don't know if they're embarrassed, to tell the doctor or anything or to let them see, but I feel like that's what they're there for, you know. So that was an aha moment for me where, like I said, i was like no, i'm coming with you because you're not saying everything. I can see you're not saying everything. And then when you're not asking all the questions, so you know, that was where I started to come in and try to push a little bit, you know, help him a little bit more or support more.
Speaker 1:When would you say? it really started to affect him at home.
Speaker 2:So throughout the process of getting to know multiple sclerosis, i did not know that there was like progressive, and then there's not progressive, right. So then they have all this, these medications that can help MS, but none of them at the time really were for progressive. They just maybe have maybe one or two now, i think, but they're more on the recent years for progressive MS. And so progressive, if people don't know, just simply means that you know it's just going to, over time, get worse. Lack of better term. But that's how I understood it. And so he has progressive MS. So again, took me the five years of trying to support him, get to know the MS better, go with him to the doctors, but at the same time I'm doing IVF and trying to lose weight and getting acupuncture and just doing all the things that I need to do for myself to try to conceive. He. So, yes, in that five-year period.
Speaker 2:So then the kids came, and When we finally had the twins, that's when I really started to notice it more. So over the five-year course he went from being able to walk, maybe needing a Little, like I bought him like a foldable cane, here and there Things of that nature, but by the time the kids came, he was actually able to leave the hospital with one of the kids, because one was in the NICU but one in his hand and because that was a big thing for him. You know proud that I want to walk out of the hospital holding my baby And so he was able to do that. But he's gotten to a point where he's gone from. Like I said, he danced at the wedding, walked out of the hospital with the kids at the five-year mark and Maybe about a year or two after that is when he had to change over to having the two crutches. So he has those crutches, that kind of go around your arm.
Speaker 2:Okay and he has those right. So he has transitioned to those now. And then, over about a year And a half ago, i got him a wheelchair. He was reluctant but we got. But you know, i was able to convince him to get the wheelchair because we have two seven-year-olds and you know, sometimes we want to go to parks or we want to do different things And I'm always trying to encourage him to get out and be with us and all of that. So I said you know I'm, i'll push you and we'll just make it work. So we have, so it's gotten.
Speaker 1:So that's where we are right now, okay, so Are the kids asking questions? because they're pretty young.
Speaker 2:So good question. My daughter I don't think she, she knows that some things up with that. I don't know if she knows the terminology. She's definitely almost kind of used to it like second nature Do me comment here and there, but she doesn't ask too many questions, coincidentally, my son, on the other hand, he's he's he's autistic and he's unverbal, so he just knows that daddy can't catch him. You know he tries to test them. But my daughter, here and there she'll ask questions, but nothing too serious for the most part She just knows that it's that I think they still young and so for them It's still kind of on that innocent side where that's just how daddy is, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's. I mean, most of us don't understand it now at an older age, let alone trying to understand this, this illness, at age seven right. Let them keep their innocence for sure.
Speaker 2:For sure, and so that's where I am. It's a lot for her to take on, because I also have to explain to her about her brother sometimes, and How, what could I come up that she's? how come he doesn't speak? and you know, so I little spurts to give it to her in there. But I want her to enjoy, i just said, her innocent and her childhood. So I, you know, and she seems, and this is like the norm for her, you know, so she's, she's, she's good with it.
Speaker 1:So I don't know how you put this into words, but what has been the effect on the family?
Speaker 2:It's been hard When I, i guess, the reality eventually started to set in With the cane and and then the now the crutches over time For me. I always tell people The hardest part for the marriage has not been the disability, it's been the emotional tone. I always worry for him in that respect because, again, he's not one who lets out a lot. I'm always trying to encourage him to talk to me or talk to somebody or, you know, do if they something makes you happy.
Speaker 2:He had a car for a while and He can drive actually for me enough, even though he has a hard time walking for whatever reason. He's an excellent driver and for a long time He had a car and we didn't really need two cars, but that was his joy. He decided eventually that he was gonna give it up, but I would never have said to him We don't need two cars. You got to get rid of his car because I knew that that was what Made him happy and that was like his thing, you know. So The emotional part of dealing with it is is the hard part. No, i don't want to say as for right now with the kids, because they're still in that innocent stage. It's, they're the light of the house. They're that buffer right. They kind of just make everything happy and fabulous and everything is about them. So it kind of is a distraction from the reality that this is hard on him and hard on us both.
Speaker 1:Yeah I, that's, a lot for anyone. So have you have you discovered any resources to give you support, or are you guys supporting yourself? Or is it mind the coming from the doctor? Is it?
Speaker 2:I have not, yet I've tried to throw him.
Speaker 2:I will say thank you to you for anything that you throw at me, because I kind of throw it in his direction.
Speaker 2:Also, as far as maybe a podcast, i actually had another friend from echelon who She shares, like some books and that she likes to read like encourage, encouragement type of books, and so I Try to share those with him. I try to encourage him, you know, to maybe some therapies or to physical therapy or any of the things that you know, even to work out at my house We, i have all of the echelon equipment. So I try to encourage him to either use the bike or the rower, you know, even if it's to walk on the, on the stride. So I just, i just try to continue to do that, but that's as much as I can and I will leave it there And that's the hard part. And even, as I said, i'm friends with the secretary for the doctor And I've called her sometimes, say, hey, do you guys have any support groups or anything that you can throw this way? And so you know, i just try to keep doing my best at throwing things that way and hopefully, maybe someday something will stick or show some interest.
Speaker 1:No, for sure I Can speak on the bad days where I can understand there's resistance from his side, because there's some days where it's like I don't want to do anything either, like I can totally get that. I don't know if I'm gonna do a recap for people who are listening. She teaches special ed, she has twins, one as autistic, and she has a husband who has multiple sclerosis Who she's trying to support. How are you staying sane? That might have been a poor choice of words, but I'm going with it.
Speaker 2:But I can't tell you how many people Asked me to say how do you do it? And I'm like I don't know. You know, i started my workout journey Because when I was a big girl, i wanted to have kids. When I met, and so one of the things that they said to me was Well, you're overweight and my hormones were off, and so that was what was one of the barriers. And so the doctor, the first thing she says to me you want to get your hormones together, you need to lose some weight, and you know, work out and get your yourself a little healthy. And I said, okay, so I started that journey and by the time I reached the five years into the marriage what I happen to ends I was full on On in. I went from 250 to about 135 pounds. I was actually too thin. I'm 150 now but I went like you know, when you ever look at a picture of yourself and you're like I'm either too big or too or too thin, and people are telling you sometimes, oh, you're too thin. But I didn't listen to anybody until I saw a picture of myself and I said, oh, i was too skinny, so I want to go back to that. But anyway, um, i Did this whole workout thing because I wanted to have the kids. I had the kids and realized that I fell in love with fitness. And so now, After they came I think by the time they hit about six months I was back in the gym and then the pandemic came and I had to figure out how I was gonna work out.
Speaker 2:So I started with echelon, i started doing it at home and I did not realize for a minute. No one ever said to me that working out would be so important for not only your physical health But also your emotional and your mental health. I feel, you know, i just feel like there's almost nothing I can't handle. If somebody, like even the Contest that I got into, i didn't say, oh, i can't do this, i'm just like, okay, i can do it. Sure, you know, just just willing to try things and open and open minded, meeting people, it's just, i don't know.
Speaker 2:It just has really, really taking a toll way more than the physical part. For me It's, it's that's my mental health, really, really and truly. That's when you see me dancing on my bike, that's my happy place, you know, and and I, and when I'm done with that, i Promise you can, i can work out. I work out now in the mornings, maybe two hours every morning, and when I'm done I'm too tired to argue with anybody, i'm too tired to fight. I'm just like, okay, it's the endorphins. You're just like all right, you know, it's really, really just it's. It's something else, i don't know, but that's me, that's just, that's what I think it is, that's what I think is my therapy.
Speaker 1:I Had anticipated that answer And I sort of wish this wasn't audio only so A we could have a picture of you dancing on the bike. For those that aren't part of the echelon community, they're listening. And the second one was You post it. You're before picture not too long ago And I was almost going to challenge you on them like that has to be your sister, cousin. And then when you said it was you, i'm like okay, when I was totally different human.
Speaker 2:Yeah, when I went to my junior high school prom, i, my mom, bought me a size 16 dress. I still have it in my closet as a reminder. I'm not lying, you know, and I'm currently like between the four and a six, depending on the day. So it's been, it's been something, you know, it's really been something. But again, for me, now I've gotten to a point where it's so much more than the physical. I mean I love the physical part of it also, thank God, i'm like sometimes, thank God, i work out, because I mean when I had the twins I would have one here, one here.
Speaker 2:My son, he does not stop eating. He's a growing boy, he is about 85 pounds and I can, i can carry him. You know, i can actually probably say I can pick up my 85 year old, seven, i mean 85 pound, seven and a half year old child if I wanted to. You know so, and I'm proud of that. I'm proud of that. So yeah, thank you, thank you, thank you. So I Really it's really. It's really means so much to me.
Speaker 2:It's, it's a deal. It's not for me, it's not a deal like, it's not a. There's no deal breaker. I will say that in the beginning of the marriage. My husband, you're always in the gym and this and that and That's has for me. I didn't realize an. Even more now after the pandemic and as things go on. There's that's not a deal. I'm not parting with that. Like that's what comes with me. I take my two hours, i work out. If I want to, sometimes in the afternoon as well, i will work out, but that is what I need. And then I can do and be mom and be the wife and be the teacher and be the Daughter because my parents call me all the time and be the sister and anything else that somebody needs me to be. But I need to be Me and do what I need to do for me. First, selfishness.
Speaker 1:You have to put your own air bag or air mask on first. That's what they say on the airplane, right?
Speaker 2:So Yes, absolutely.
Speaker 1:I think a lot of people hear about working out and I think vanity reasons and They're missing the boat on the mental health aspect of it, because it is the re. I mean, vanity is nice, but mental health is the reason I work out, it's the reason I joined the community And I can say over the past three or four months It's been a saving. It's just, it saves me just clearing my head.
Speaker 2:I'm so happy to hear you say that I, i really.
Speaker 1:And and they're kicking your ass. You can't think about anything else anyway, so it's just survival mode at that.
Speaker 2:It's so true. It's so true now I've gotten into running because I got the stride over the summer, never thought that I was a runner. Now these, these people have me running and I mean, i didn't run this morning. We said and I thought I was gonna die, i'm But, but when you're done, it's that, it's the, it's the when I'm done, feeling right. When you're done, yeah, like you said at the time, you can't do anything else that kicking your buddy Right, why am I doing this? Oh my gosh. Well, when you're done, you're like whoa, i did that right and I could just feel the steam.
Speaker 1:And you do feel it better. Yes so so just to be clear for everyone who's listening, who's not, from echelon. We're not trying to sell you anything, echelon. No no her and I. That's what we use for our mental health and Won't say surviving, but to deal with the stresses that come with life right.
Speaker 2:Absolutely and anywhere a walk in the park or run. You know everybody's different. Some people love yoga, pilates. You know just anything you know that's going to give you that calm and that peace.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you need to find a way to deal with the stress in a positive way. Absolutely absolutely So. One last question for you. Okay you meet somebody tomorrow, they tell you their spouse was just diagnosed with that mouse. What do you say to them? I Say. By an actual high. I.
Speaker 2:Know, right? No, i was actually gonna say To get involved. Right, be there. I know that sometimes my husband will say, but you don't understand, because it's not, you don't have it. And I get that, i don't have it.
Speaker 2:I don't feel those bad days that you guys feel, but When I think it involved, like learn from my experience of having to go to the doctor and ask all the questions and find out the support and Whatever it is that is going to help. If you have to go to some kind of group session or therapy or the doctor, be there, be there. I wouldn't. I don't. You know it's who wants to do that alone anyway, and if you have somebody in your family, you know just don't let them do it alone and and or think that they're alone, and also you. That way you know how to help on the good days or the bad days is particularly on the bad days or try to help. We're never gonna always Get it, and I know that, but we can try our best and I think the best way to do that is to Be involved, ask all the questions, go to the doctors I mean, live it with them if you can.
Speaker 1:That's excellent advice coming from someone who's been living it for the past 14 years. Daphne, you've been an amazing guest. I'm so grateful for coming on and joining me on my first episode of Mentally Strong. If you, the listener, have enjoyed this episode, please like, share, subscribe, drop some comments, send a message. I really believe the way she's living her life and supporting her family is inspiring And I hope people who listen walk away with some tidbits. The podcast is going to drop every two weeks, so I will see you in two weeks. Until then, stay strong.