Ever wondered what it's like to navigate the unpredictable waters of online dating? Meet Kavita Adjwani, a seasoned dating expert and love coach from Montreal, who uses her decade worth of experience to guide men on their quest for love. Kavita shares her dynamic journey from her unexpected plunge into the dating industry to the successful transition of her business online during the pandemic. She brings to light her distinctive approach in coaching her clients, starting with a humble questionnaire to a deep-dive into their love life aspirations.
We turn the tables to the darker side of dating: the fears that hold us back. Fear of rejection, the pressure of maintaining authenticity in our digital personas, and the quick dismissal of potential partners—Kavita provides valuable insights that could reshape your dating strategy. She underscores the influence of cultural background on our dating habits and implores us to celebrate our individuality. With her personal experience of living with multiple sclerosis, Kavita exemplifies the importance of embracing and sharing personal struggles at one's own pace.
As we wrap up, Kavita reiterates the significance of personal happiness and satisfaction outside of dating. Want to make your online dating profile stand out? Kavita offers practical tips and encourages using the emotional guidance scale for a better emotional state while dating. This episode is a gold mine of invaluable advice on maneuvering through the dismissive dating culture. With Kavita's enlightening perspective on dating, you are bound to feel empowered to make positive changes in your love life. Tune in, and let's get started!
Ever wondered what it's like to navigate the unpredictable waters of online dating? Meet Kavita Adjwani, a seasoned dating expert and love coach from Montreal, who uses her decade worth of experience to guide men on their quest for love. Kavita shares her dynamic journey from her unexpected plunge into the dating industry to the successful transition of her business online during the pandemic. She brings to light her distinctive approach in coaching her clients, starting with a humble questionnaire to a deep-dive into their love life aspirations.
We turn the tables to the darker side of dating: the fears that hold us back. Fear of rejection, the pressure of maintaining authenticity in our digital personas, and the quick dismissal of potential partners—Kavita provides valuable insights that could reshape your dating strategy. She underscores the influence of cultural background on our dating habits and implores us to celebrate our individuality. With her personal experience of living with multiple sclerosis, Kavita exemplifies the importance of embracing and sharing personal struggles at one's own pace.
As we wrap up, Kavita reiterates the significance of personal happiness and satisfaction outside of dating. Want to make your online dating profile stand out? Kavita offers practical tips and encourages using the emotional guidance scale for a better emotional state while dating. This episode is a gold mine of invaluable advice on maneuvering through the dismissive dating culture. With Kavita's enlightening perspective on dating, you are bound to feel empowered to make positive changes in your love life. Tune in, and let's get started!
Welcome to the Mentally Strong podcast. If you're a returning listener, welcome back and thank you for your support. We are going to have some fun today. Kavita Adjuwani, a daydancepert and love lake coach from Montreal, quebec, canada, she works exclusively with single men in their 30s and 40s around the world. She has over a decade of experience in the dating industry. She devotes every ounce of her energy and she has lots of it to helping men on their dating journeys. She founded Dashing Date, which has become one of the largest bee dating companies in Canada, whose reach has extended into every corner of the dating world, from singles events and matchmaking to coaching, dating apps and beyond. Her insights and contributions have been featured in the New York Times, cosmopolitan and CBC. Kavita, welcome to the podcast.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much.
Speaker 1:I really appreciate you taking the time to come on here.
Speaker 2:We made it happen.
Speaker 1:We did, and I love how it started, because I just saw you across my Instagram swiped down. Here we are.
Speaker 2:That's how it works these days. It's quite magical. It's quite magical.
Speaker 1:You're in Montreal.
Speaker 2:I am.
Speaker 1:Cool Before we get into the fun stuff. How did you get started? Well, that's fun too.
Speaker 2:I have a somewhat classic story of corporate job to entrepreneurship, but specifically in the dating industry, something caught me by surprise. Even today, I still look back and I'm like how in the world did I get involved in this space? Here I am, 13 years later, still not still in it, thriving in it, and so excited that I've ever been actually as from starting in this industry. The quick story is that when I was working a corporate job in aviation, I saw this ad for a speed dating host and to run events to be the host of the events and I wanted this job so badly. I don't know why I've never been overly keen to work, but I wanted this job so badly and I applied for it over and over again. In fact, I used to call the company and I would say, hi, I just missed a call from you guys, and they'd be like, nope, nobody called you. I think they even caught on that I was this girl that I don't know just was really eager for the position. A few months later, they called me for an interview and I got the job, and that's really the very, very early days of how I got started in the dating industry.
Speaker 2:For a few years I kept this part-time job as a speed dating host and it's what got me set up. I got very oh no pen intended. I got very, very. I was really like in the mix of seeing singles walk in. I started to gain a knack for setting people up. I would know who would be a good match with who. I would be like you have to go sit over here. Oh my God, brian would be great for you, or Julia is going to be your perfect match tonight. Make sure you talk to her, give her extra attention, and that just developed naturally. Fast forward 10 years, I guess, from the time I stopped hosting those events and I started my own speed dating company, matchmaking company. Now I do coaching full time and slowly transitioned actually into working exclusively with men, which is where I am at today.
Speaker 1:When did you transition into the online dating world?
Speaker 2:So it was during the pandemic that we were forced, like everyone, to move the business online. So before the pandemic, we were hosting speed dating events about 20 events a month across Canada. Actually, we'd even moved into the States at that point. We were doing events in New York. So doing it virtually and running these events virtually allowed us to expand faster. And, yeah, so it was about literally March 2020 that we took our events that were supposed to be happening live. The restaurant was booked, everything was booked, we transitioned all those tickets online and we immediately started doing the events online. And at that point, too, I was so aware of how people living at home, the people I knew, needed this form of connection at that time, so it was just not an option for me to let there be like a dip in the services that we had to offer, and we made sure to do whatever we could literally overnight, to make everything happen virtually, and that's what we did. We brought this speed dating experience to life on video.
Speaker 1:It's always amazing. There's a group of people over here that, oh, I'm stuck at home, this is terrible, I'm not going to do anything. And then there's the use of the world. That's like how can I make this better and how can I help people connect when they really need me?
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm, thank you for saying that.
Speaker 1:I love it. So someone reaches out to you. It's a guy. Where do you start?
Speaker 2:We start with a questionnaire just so that I have a little bit to go off of when we meet face to face.
Speaker 2:But really, even if somebody hasn't taken the time to fill out a questionnaire or if I haven't had the opportunity to get to know them beforehand, generally when I'm sitting in front of someone it's because they have reached a point in their dating journey, in their love life, where they know there has to be something better. They know that they are not having the experience that they want. They're not anywhere near that experience that has been shown to us in the movies, and also they have reached a point, I think, where they really desire a partner in their lives and they don't want to continue down the same path that they've been on. So I can feel pretty confident that that's the case and that's kind of like, no matter who it is I'm sitting in front of, we're starting there, and I am very comfortable diving right in. You know a little bit of hey, how are you? And it's like all right, what are you here for? How can I help make your love life better? And that's really where we begin.
Speaker 1:So my understanding is you help them with their online profiles as well.
Speaker 2:Yes, it's a very I don't want to say small part of what I do. Because it's a small part of what I do, because it's just such a foundational piece For me it's a no-brainer. I have a course that comes with my coaching, for example, that it's if you're not willing to take the course we can't really work together, because you need that course to set yourself up. I don't need to sit and we don't need to spend hours and hours.
Speaker 2:When it comes to online dating, to an extent there is a format you have to follow. To an extent, your authenticity can only take you so far. I strongly believe in bringing as much of your true self to the table as you can, but at a certain point, you are at the mercy of the algorithm, the profile, the way it's set up. So I set my clients up with my course. It's two sessions you watch exactly how to set up your profile following my nine-layer dynamic method, and then the second session is all about your approach to dating. So messaging women, how to be your authentic self, not having to follow any specific kind of pickup lines that make you feel so uncomfortable and that are cringe-worthy. I don't believe in any of that. So it's a big part of what I do, funnily enough, but it's a small piece because for me, it's just like we're going to get you set up. This is just part and parcel of the actual experience.
Speaker 2:And then, when it comes to coaching, I really focus on confidence building, moving through limited beliefs, really digging deep and understanding. Why is it that you're feeling this way? What are the fears around rejection? What are the fears around taking those risks? Why have you been able to prioritize so much in your life from your career to your friendships, to travel, to the skills that you have but your love life has taken a backseat? Let's explore that and let's bring that to the forefront. And so we work on some it's deep inner work, the coaching side of it, and, yeah, so let's explore that a bit.
Speaker 1:What would you say would be two or three of the biggest mistakes or attitudes people are coming in with that you see or you have to course, correct for.
Speaker 2:It's so funny and this has comes from my speed dating days where people become speed dating and they would send us an email before they would be like I need to talk to someone at customer service, I'm so nervous, like it's gonna be so uncomfortable, it's gonna be so awkward, and it's funny that they think that they're walking into this room of speed dating as if they're the only single person there and they're the only one speed dating Like I get it going. Speed dating can feel uncomfortable if you have never online dated. Getting on an app and going through all the steps and jumping through all the hoops can be very uncomfortable. People forget that every single other person that they're gonna meet is in the exact same boat and it's such a strong reminder to know and to feel oh my God, yes, it's true, we're all in this together. We're all putting ourselves out there, we're all looking for love, and that's what I love about singles events and dating apps is because you are on equal footing. You're not walking into a bar checking who's wearing a ring, who's not wearing a ring and just kind of shooting your shot. You have a much better chance going into a room, be it virtual or not, knowing that everybody is there, to the best of your knowledge, for the same reasons.
Speaker 2:That is definitely, I think, the big one, like a foundational piece. Let's get that straight, let's get that out of the way. And then, second, I would say a big one is just really fearful. Putting yourself out there being vulnerable, being like I, like you, and not getting what you want, the person not responding, not coming up with the right message, approaching the woman and feeling like a total idiot that maybe you get the look that, that look that you've been fearing the whole time does come your way. So I think fear of rejection is so strong in the dating world, strong enough that it actually keeps people from even exploring what's available and what's out there for them For years at a time.
Speaker 1:Would you say that's the reason that a lot of online profiles typically have a few lies in there somewhere.
Speaker 2:I think that we as humans can have a fairly warped idea of ourselves. It's very easy to say that I love nature and I love going on hikes, and I love because in theory you do, but you're not actually doing these things but you aspire to. And when we fill out these kinds of questionnaires, I don't think it's our fault, but we naturally want to present, maybe in that moment to ourselves this person that we think we are. So I would give people a little bit of a break if it comes to maybe writing down a few things that are more aspirational than the actual way you live your lifestyle. Of course, I'm not referring to in this case people who outright lie.
Speaker 1:So yeah, I was thinking about the oh, I'm really 50, even though I said I was 55. I'm really five foot two instead of six foot one and those outright lies, not the not that part you said, although that part that you said is definitely true as well.
Speaker 2:It's unfortunate. Something I always, always say is just, you know, at this point, especially when it comes to age, height, body type, put it out there, be loud, be proud, figure out a way to say it with some kind of humor, if that's better. But it's just wasting everybody's time, most importantly yours Maybe not most importantly, but I do say that let's start with you. Let's not waste your time. You know, when I work with clients, my clients are busy professionals. They're serious about finding lab. They don't wanna be wasting their time. So I'm very mindful of having methods and practices and an approach in the dating world that conserves your time and energy and protects your energy as well. So these little lies that may seem like white lies to one person, ultimately is just prolonging the whole process for you and everyone else.
Speaker 1:I don't know if you're gonna know this answer or have an opinion on this. Do you think people do that because of the fear of rejection or because they haven't fully accepted who they are or love themselves first?
Speaker 2:It will vary from person to person. It's such a strong and beautiful question. It would be something that I would hope I would be able to tap into as a coach with a client who, if I see somebody who is constantly lying and putting on this facade, that is a question that I would explore with them as an individual.
Speaker 1:So that comes from a personal place where in my initial online dating life I didn't love myself first. So looking back, of course now I can say I should have been doing it. However, in the time I think you said it earlier we sort of talk ourselves into it, rationalize it and make excuses to go do it.
Speaker 2:And I think, when it comes to our love lives, in so many cases we can compare it to a career.
Speaker 2:Maybe, if you've been thrown back into the job pool similar to the dating pool you might be it's almost like you're catching yourself off guard. I never thought I would be back here and you may lie on your resume because, again, it's things that you just aren't ready to accept about yourself. I think that's very similar with dating. You may have never thought that you would wind up back here, could be out of a relationship, divorced for whatever reason, and you're just in that position like I didn't think I would be this age and be doing this again and reaching or having that feeling like I don't even know how to meet myself where I'm at today. Yet it's actually a great point because when I work with clients, that's a big piece of what's happened. They are so different from the last time that they dated and a big piece of what we work towards is how do we connect with you know, call them at this age versus the guy that was dating, you know, in college?
Speaker 1:I love the saying meet myself where I'm at. That's perfect. I've decided to jump back into the pool. I see someone I like. What's the best way to navigate the approach? Is there a best practice for initiating the conversation? I never thought I'd use the respects practice and dating, but I just did so. Let's go with it, okay paint a picture for me.
Speaker 2:Paint a picture for me. Are we at Starbucks, a coffee shop, a grocery store? Where is this happening?
Speaker 1:Let's do online dating, since that's probably more popular in today's world.
Speaker 2:Okay, okay, okay. So let's take a step back. You're telling me that you have both right-swiped, you've matched and now you're in a position where you are making the initial approach to talk to this person.
Speaker 1:Perfect.
Speaker 2:So the very first thing is Shooting your shot. Detach from the outcome. That is the main thing you need to remember and operate. You need to remember to operate from a place of authenticity, where you're not going on this roller coaster ride for having to change who you are or what you're gonna say based on the person you're talking to. I think the most, I think the easiest thing to do is to remember that. It is quite easy.
Speaker 2:This is another human. You're just exchanging words. You've done this your entire life. They've matched with you. They're waiting to hear from you. This is good. We're in a good spot here. Okay, let's be grateful. Let's take that moment to be grateful for the fact that this is an opportunity and dating has literally never been easier. You have an opportunity to find love at your fingertips. So, again, it always starts with the foundation setting yourself up with that successful mindset, first and foremost, and repeating that over and over again, remembering that over and over again so that it becomes second nature every time you're opening this app and sending off a message. Okay, now let's talk actual strategy, which I know is what people really wanna hear.
Speaker 2:What am I actually supposed to do, kavita? All of this is great, whatever. Tell me what to say. So my strategy is quite simple If people don't respond, it's just like there's really nothing you could do. So the detach from the outcome is really important, and remembering that this is the part that you have control over, and then we're meeting that part where, to a certain extent, the algorithm, the app, the technology takes over, and there's just a piece of this we literally cannot control.
Speaker 2:My advice always greet the person by name, show that you've read their profile. So we wanna move away from the very generic messages and, in order to come across as authentic, my advice is, when you look through their photos or when you scan their profile, the very first thing that makes you smile, the very first thing or the very first thing that makes you go huh, or that you're curious about, lead with that. That makes it genuinely curious for you, it makes it genuinely authentic for you and it works for every single person that you reach out to. So if that's a travel photo that you're curious about where it might be, if that's a dog that you don't know, if it's hers or her friends, it doesn't have to be the most perfect question number. That dog is so cute, is it yours? That's okay. Hey, sarah, that dog is so cute, is it yours? I see the front in your picture, just curious. Just start with that. Lean into what you are genuinely curious about, lean into the things that genuinely bring a smile to your face and see what comes from it. That's one thing. Another thing that can be really helpful is anything that you notice in their profile that you both have in common and that could be as simple and effective. What's very effective is if you're both in the same city, which is most likely the case, just mentioning something that oh my God, I saw that you were in this park in the photo. That creates this sense of okay, you're a real person, you actually live in the city, you know, and it makes it more comfortable for the woman to respond, because there is that just, I guess, maybe like an underlying fear that maybe that you know it's. At the end of the day, anyone can put up photos, anyone can create a profile. So if you can create that sense of familiarity, that can be very strong. And the last thing is, I always think it's great just to end with a question, a very simple question.
Speaker 2:There is something about an easy question to answer that people feel quite compelled to answer. When you don't give someone a jumping off point, we just overthink things. Just imagine if you're overthinking things, she is overthinking things. So sometimes we're like, oh, I don't even know what to respond right now. If it's not super easy, you may just be left on red. You may not get that response. Not because it has anything to do with your value, of course. It's simply because those that short opportunity of getting her attention that you have passed her by while she was checking her phone, while getting into the car, you know, close the door and it wasn't easy enough to respond to. So make it easy for the other person. We're not against each other here. We're not trying to, you know, crack the code of whatever. Make it really simple. Remember that you're on the same team as each other. Let's do what we can to get an actual conversation flowing, and those would be my tips for kicking off a conversation.
Speaker 1:I could have you here all day long, so I'll skip a couple of questions that I had in mind because I wanna make sure we get to two, which is the reason I reached out to you. Okay, so let's skip to. You've been, you've had the conversation. You've both agreed to meet in person. When do you think it's important to bring up core values, priorities and have that discussion? I've heard from different people. Some people say let's do it right now. Other people say wait till the sixth date. Halfway through, I'm exaggerating, but Right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think it is so important to be present so that you are able to pick up on the right cues and tap into your intuition, to trust your gut instincts, to strengthen that connection with yourself, because there is no one size fits all when it comes to being vulnerable and opening up. Every experience you have with another human being is going to be different and that's what makes these dating experiences so special and unique and exciting. One of my unpopular opinions is that keeping certain things private early on is actually not dishonest, and I would go as far as to say that, even if somebody asks you outright and you are not yet comfortable to share that thing, that you are allowed to ideally sidestep the question so that you're not outright lying. But if someone feels in any way that they have any right to know the very personal and intimate details of your life and struggles so early on, I don't think they do. A first date, a second date, even a third date, can essentially be a stranger, depending on you know how much time you spent together and how deep you've already gone or not gone. But I think it can actually be quite exhausting to be opening up to strangers over and over again, only to potentially be dismissed based on them filling in the gaps, bringing their life perspectives to the table because they're not listening to you and forming an opinion based on who you are. They are listening to you and forming an opinion based on who they are and their experiences.
Speaker 2:And unfortunately, we do live in a fairly dismissive dating culture where people are very quick to not just quick to find red flags. They are on the lookout, they want to find them. They are like going in looking for red flags. So what you go in looking for you will find. A big part of the way I coach is I talk about focusing on feelings based green flags quite the tongue twister. That's a conversation for another day, but that is what we're living through. People are on the lookout for red flags. So you tell someone about one of your struggles. You think you're being brave, which you are. You are being courageous, you are being vulnerable, you are leaning into what's uncomfortable. Unfortunately, that will with a lot of people, especially if they're not meeting you where you are, and also opening up will be seen as a red flag and they will be making silent assumptions about you and it's very unfortunate and you may not get that second date or third date.
Speaker 2:So I think it's very important that if you want to have dating experiences that are rewarding, and if you want to go into these dates and your intention is to meet people, your intention is to have fun, your intention is to keep things light, your intention is to learn about someone new and see if a spark can grow, and if that's your intention, you do not need to open up about the more difficult parts of your life.
Speaker 2:We all have struggles. It's safe to assume everybody is suffering in some capacity or another. So I would be very mindful of when you choose to open up. I would make it a very personal choice and I would lead by example. So if you are not willing to open up or you don't think that you need to, I would also refrain from expecting someone else too early on and at the end of the day, it is about protecting your energy. It makes me so sad when I have clients who continuously open up again and again only to be dismissed, and then they feel so discouraged about dating. So you need to ask yourself what does it mean to have an enjoyable and rewarding dating experience while being my authentic self, while not misleading others and then decide what that path looks like for you.
Speaker 1:I'm going to put my spin on it to see get your feedback. I've heard very different things about when to open up, about priorities and values, and this is my personal experience now I'm living it. So one I'm very comfortable talking about the fact that I have multiple sclerosis, which is obvious because I have a podcast. The second part, which is uncovering for me, is it's hard for me not to talk about it because I'm doing an episode today. I did an episode two days ago. It's a part of my life. It's a part of my life that I enjoy, which is really a contradiction, but it's true. And then, lastly, when I meet somebody and we meet up and we're talking, I very much can understand why someone would not want to put themselves in a situation where they have to deal with what may or may not happen to me because of multiple sclerosis. So I want to give them the opportunity to back away. And I've been told is your answer the same as what you said earlier or would you do it differently? What would you suggest?
Speaker 2:My favorite thing. Yeah, Sorry you go.
Speaker 1:One caveat that I should bring up with me. It's a little different, because if I walk up to you, you can't tell that I have a chronic illness. In some cases it's going to be obvious that there's something and that's probably going to come up right.
Speaker 2:Okay, this actually changes my answer, so I'm going to actually pull on a thread that we were talking about before, which is what we are ready to accept about ourselves at any given point in our lives is very important. I truly believe and I've learned this while becoming a certified coach is everybody has the right to operate on their own timelines. If I'm diagnosed with MS, the way, how long it takes me to accept it, not accept it, how I feel about it it is not for someone else to dictate that, even whether you've gone through it, not gone through it, it's not for you to say hey, but I've accepted it. I'm over here, look at me, I can be inspired, but even at that, it's for me to choose at what pace I'm able to take this in, and I think giving others that, honoring others that way, is very important. So when I think about that, it makes me feel like what is right for you is not right for somebody else. And that's where coaching comes in and it's something that I.
Speaker 2:It's just an industry dating coaching, life coaching it's an industry.
Speaker 2:When done right and if you are certified and you're following the right principles, it can be so beautiful because it is about working with someone who will guide you inwards, to go deep, to understand where you're at, why you're there, what your next best steps are.
Speaker 2:So I could be working with two clients who are going through very much the same thing, which is typically the case, but their path forward is night and day. What is progress for one is not progress for the other. Some will, some are sprinting and reaching these. What they would consider a huge goal they're just having their photo taken is a huge step, huge versus someone who gets engaged. Those can literally feel equal in terms of an accomplishment, depending on who you are. Again, it's honoring where you're at in dating, who you are, where you're at in your life, your perspectives, what you're bringing to the table, where you want to go. So, again, if you feel good and you're able to share and it feels right for you and this is something you have reached a point whether that was right away or if it took time, I'm not sure but if you feel good about it, that's amazing and great and share and own it and honor it and that's your journey.
Speaker 1:I think, if we can tie it back to something you said earlier in terms of looking for cues in being present and understanding the moment, as to whether, yes, this is appropriate and this seems comfortable, or it feels cold, that's the best way I can describe it. But if it's feeling cold, obviously it's, I'm very open about it. But if it's feeling cold, that's not coming out. So does that make sense?
Speaker 2:I think that makes perfect sense. It's all about energy, what is happening in this moment and that's exactly correct being really present and setting that as your intention, because that is what's going to be your guide to navigating away from your typical plan on a first date, the things that you do or don't talk about. I think it's great to have some idea of where you're at and what you're comfortable doing, but then it's only being present and being very aware of the person in front of you and the context of that date. That is what will determine the experience that you have on that specific date, and it's being open, mind you, to taking that left turn. That is what brings those beautiful experiences.
Speaker 1:I love that you focus on being present and just being you. I think that's so important. I also think it's one of the biggest challenges with online dating, because people aren't themselves necessarily, and we talked about that earlier. So here's the last question for you, which I can probably name five people. What are you going to say to people who are totally discouraged by the online dating world, which is why people are looking for red flags because of their experiences? What can they do to open it back up and get back on that path? Besides calling you which, based on this conversation, I think you should probably do it.
Speaker 2:However, if they're not going to, what else can they? Do have you heard of or are you familiar with the emotional guidance scale?
Speaker 1:No, I'm not.
Speaker 2:So, if I'm not mistaken, I think it was developed before this, but I think it's Abraham Hicks who is most known for the emotional guidance scale. Abraham Hicks, you can look it up there the best of the best in terms of law of attraction and get very quickly, very quick Google search. You'll find a ton of information and everything that you need to know. So the emotional guidance scale is a scale of 22 emotions, with the most joyful emotions at the top, so joy, happiness, contentment, and at the very bottom we have guilt, fear, despair, and along the middle you have boredom, overwhelm, anger, things like that. You can find it again with a quick Google search. The best thing we can do in operating on the dating scene is to be in a state of joy as often as possible, is to be operating towards that higher end of the emotional scale. And it's so powerful as a visual because there are certain emotions that you may not even realize are actually better than others, like, if I'm not mistaken, worry is a more positive emotion than anger. Anger means you're kind of like stuck in stewing, whereas worry means you're actually thinking ahead, potentially and you're worried about what may come, so using it as a guide to identify where you're at today, about how you feel about dating, and then looking at and being like, hey, what do I need to do in my life unrelated to dating to just be generally operating from a better place? So the very first step is don't even think about dating if you're feeling deeply discouraged. First, work on elevating that energetic baseline. So start doing things in your life that are making you feel good Hobbies, exercise, friends. If you've been out, if you've been in isolation or avoiding those things, start there. That's the very first thing I would say.
Speaker 2:When it comes to online dating specifically, you know it's very easy to dismiss online dating as the worst thing ever. We have this love-hate relationship with it. It's like I hate it, but you're on it and you're swiping, but you can't stand it. I get it. Most men, unfortunately, don't have great profiles and it's like don't, what's the saying? It's slipping my mind right now, but let's actually optimize your profile and get it to the best it can possibly be before you say this isn't working for you. And there is no shortage of YouTube videos and tutorials and guides and courses and I'm talking free. There is no shortage of free information available to getting your profile in tip-top shape. You can get a tripod off Amazon. You can get lighting for 30 bucks, you can use the sun, you can use your iPhone Like there's really no shortage of ideas or ways to get great photos.
Speaker 2:You can go online, look at other men's profiles to get inspiration from, borrow what you need from their profile. If you see one that sounds like you, that resonates with you, or a style that you like, listen, copy it. I'm going to say it. If it sounds like you and you love it, start there, adjust as you go and I don't mean copy it if it doesn't sound anything like you, but if there's like a generic love movies, love to travel and just borrowing that language, go for it. Chat, gpt absolutely your friend today. If you're not using it, use it.
Speaker 2:Write my dating profile for me, do it. So get yourself set up for success. Your profile is the only thing you need. You need great photos, you need a great profile. Then tell me it sucks because 20% of people are getting 80% of the matches. If we follow the Pareto principle, you can get into that 20% very easily, because 80% of profiles are bad. So you just it's quite easy if you follow these steps. So take it seriously, follow the steps, give it the attention it deserves and you will start to see different results. And I mean, I think I covered it there we have kind of the tactical, strategic aspect and then we have like the deep energy and how you feel about yourself and your life aspect. So both sides of the spectrum are covered there.
Speaker 1:No, I think your answer was perfect. I knew today was gonna be good. I had a feeling today was gonna be good. You've gone above and beyond and your energy is off the charts good, and I'm sure that's going to come true to listeners. Where can people find you?
Speaker 2:That is so nice to hear. Thank you so much. Where can people find me? They can find me on Instagram, at dashingdate, and they could subscribe to our weekly newsletter. It's the essential newsletter for single men. It goes out every week. It's a deep dive on several amazing topics when it comes to dating. It's actually for men who are re-entering the dating scene and our unique angle is that it's written by top women dating experts, so you really get that female perspective. I think talking to some of your single guy friends is kind of like the blind leading the blind. So get that woman's perspective about what women want, what women are looking for. And you can subscribe to thedatingdose at thedatingdosecom.
Speaker 1:Amazing. I loved having you on. I'm gonna ask you beyond again, for sure, and we can go a little deeper on many different things that you've said, I hope. But thank you for taking the time. I am so happy. Power was up and I got to meet you, so that was amazing. And you said you were gonna pack a punch and you definitely exceeded your promise, so thank you.
Speaker 2:Column. Thank you so much. You have a wonderful energy. It was really really nice being here in your space on your podcast. I wish you all the best and thank you so much for thinking of me and having me on today.
Speaker 1:Thank you.