What happens when life throws you a curveball, like a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis? This week, I had the privilege of sitting down with Keri Cooper, a holistic therapist and author, to discuss the mental and emotional challenges associated with receiving such devastating news. Keri, with her profound insights into grief and trauma, guides us through the process of coping, emphasizing the importance of finding joy in each day and expressing one's emotions.
As a specialist in teen mental health, Keri sheds light on how teenagers process difficult information, often trying to protect their parents. Drawing on my own experience of writing a book during the pandemic, we take a deep look at how these challenging times have affected our mental well-being. Keri also introduces her two books, mental health manuals that stress the basics like hydration, nutrition, and exercise, offering practical ways to motivate teenagers to engage in enjoyable activities.
She can be reached at keri@kericooperholistictherapy.com and on instagram at @kericooperholistictherapy
What happens when life throws you a curveball, like a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis? This week, I had the privilege of sitting down with Keri Cooper, a holistic therapist and author, to discuss the mental and emotional challenges associated with receiving such devastating news. Keri, with her profound insights into grief and trauma, guides us through the process of coping, emphasizing the importance of finding joy in each day and expressing one's emotions.
As a specialist in teen mental health, Keri sheds light on how teenagers process difficult information, often trying to protect their parents. Drawing on my own experience of writing a book during the pandemic, we take a deep look at how these challenging times have affected our mental well-being. Keri also introduces her two books, mental health manuals that stress the basics like hydration, nutrition, and exercise, offering practical ways to motivate teenagers to engage in enjoyable activities.
She can be reached at keri@kericooperholistictherapy.com and on instagram at @kericooperholistictherapy
Welcome to episode 13 of the Mentally Strong podcast. Today I talk to Keri Cooper. She's the owner of Keri Cooper Holistic Therapy in Northern New Jersey. In her private practice she counsels teens and works to give them the tools they need to navigate life. Keri takes a holistic approach to therapy, looking at the whole person, not just their symptoms.
Speaker 1:Keri is the author of Mental Health Uncensored 10 Foundation Every Parent Needs to Know, a book designed to give parents steps on how to improve their child's mental health. Her recent book is a workbook for teens Mental Health Uncensored 10 Foundations Every Teen Needs to Know. She is a speaker and writer who helps educate teens and parents On the topic teens face in everyday life. She's a graduate of the University of Pennsylvania and when she isn't busy working with teens, she's busy with her own four children and her flock of chickens. While some of it is related to multiple sclerosis, while some of our conversation is focused on multiple sclerosis and the grief that I encounter when I receive my diagnosis, I think anyone listening today who has dealt with grief or has teenagers. Keri gives a lot of great advice in terms of watching your kids and what to look for, and some tools and tips on what you can do to help them cope with life in today's world. I hope you enjoy the interview as much as I did. Hi Keri, welcome to the podcast.
Speaker 2:Hi, thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1:Well, thanks for coming on and taking the time to share your wisdom. As you know, the podcast is predominantly focused on people with multiple sclerosis and, based on my short experience with it, the mental aspect of it is probably the most challenging, or it has been for me so far, so I've been dying to have someone come on and talk about it. Maybe you can give your insights into what you know about grief or trauma when someone's given bad news, whether it's multiple sclerosis or something else, or what your experience has been with it.
Speaker 2:Absolutely so. Normally, when somebody is given some pretty life-changing news, it almost feels like a kick to your stomach.
Speaker 1:It's like this, that's accurate.
Speaker 2:Yeah, paralyzation of whoa. What just happened? I need to take a step back and examine all of this. So of course, when we get devastating news, our body kind of freezes. At first it's so hard to process. It takes a little bit to actually process it. And what does this mean and what does this look like? And until we're really able to logically sit down and process it, we're in a state of fear because it's unknown. Does that sound about right? I see you nodding your head over there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and as you're saying that, the processing, is there a typical look to that? Is there a typical timeframe to it? Does everyone do it differently? Because, as we're speaking today, my diagnosis was confirmed in January, so I'm eight months in and sometimes I think I've processed it and then tomorrow I'll tell you that I'm still processing it.
Speaker 2:Yes. So processing any type of devastating news, trauma, grief, you're going along the same lines as anybody dealing with grief, which is there is no timeline, there is no right or wrong way to be doing this, and oftentimes in my office I'll have somebody say I thought I dealt with this already, I thought it was done, and it's like no, it's never done. You're able to move forward, but then something else happens and you feel like it's a setback. It's not a setback, it's just let me take a minute and now reprocess it in this form, because you think you have it down and then something else happens and then you have to reexamine. Okay, wait a second, how do I process this now?
Speaker 2:Whatever's popping up for me and that's the same with any type of grief is that you're constantly reprocessing. It's not a straight line, it's not like here we're starting and here we're ending. There is no end. It goes up, it goes down. It feels like it goes backwards, it moves forward and you kind of have to appreciate that that's the ride that you're going to be on and that there's going to be some really down moments, but there's going to be many moments that aren't down and that you're able to go. Okay, I got this.
Speaker 1:And I thought you were going to give me a five step process to get this over with.
Speaker 2:Wouldn't that be so easy? Yeah, and you know I tell people when they're in my office with devastating news. It's hard, we can't pretend like it's not, it is. There is news that changes our lives. There is news that we wish we never had, that we wish we could just erase and say forget it. And I want to see it with this. But that's not our reality.
Speaker 1:Sounds like a parallel to life. Really, as you're speaking, I'm sitting here going. Is she talking about grief or life? Because ups downs reality.
Speaker 2:It's pretty similar.
Speaker 1:In terms of processing the grief or the trauma. Do you have any tips, advice as to maybe some better ways to approach it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, reality is going to be really different and I think that's important to remember. What works for one person will not work for another person. So some people I tell keep a journal of how you feel, of all of your emotions. Other people are like I am not journaling, that does not work for me, and I say then don't do it. Do not do something that doesn't work.
Speaker 2:So everybody has to find their own way and I always say you need to be able to get it out. That's one thing, whether it's journaling, talking to somebody, being in a support group all of those are important, depending on what resonates with you. But you also need to be able to have something to get excited about every day. There's got to be a spark in your life to say this is why I'm continuing to deal with this process. So, finding something that you love and diving into it, whether that be some people, it's meeting some people, it's volunteering, whatever that looks like for you I think it's always important to remember that you have to find something that puts a smile on your face.
Speaker 1:I knew it would end up referencing the Netflix special. Have you seen it? The one about the people living to be 100?
Speaker 2:No, I haven't seen it, but it sounds fascinating.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's amazing, it's a definite must watch. But the point of the documentary is he calls them blue zones across the world, or people live to be 100, 102. And, as you're talking, one of the I can't remember which section of the world it was in, but one of the dominant themes in that area was they had something to get up and get excited about every single day. Yes, and we're talking about people 90 to 100, like walking around, like most 50 and 60 year olds.
Speaker 2:Yes, I see that a lot, especially in this country, in terms of like retirement. When people retire from their jobs If they don't have a purpose, if they don't have something to do, they deteriorate pretty quickly. It's the people who retire and are traveling and loving life or taking care of grandbabies or volunteering or doing some type of side work that they just really enjoy, that seem younger.
Speaker 1:It's the fulfillment. I don't know if you know this or not. I don't think we talked about it, but retirement planning is what I do in my real job.
Speaker 2:Oh, I did not know that.
Speaker 1:So that is something that's becoming more and more prominent. The financial side is one piece. If you retire at, say, 65 and you're living till age 90, or if you're one of these centarians 100, you have 25 to 30 years of finding something to do.
Speaker 2:Yes, that's a long time, but that's also what I tell the teens in my office. I have a lot of teens in my office who don't have a joy, who don't have a purpose, who can't stand school. It's not for them, they're not excited by it, they don't love sports, they don't love theater. Okay, what are you finding that you're excited about, unless life feels like it's dragging?
Speaker 1:That makes total sense. How familiar are you with multiples grosses?
Speaker 2:Not very familiar.
Speaker 1:Okay, so I'm really putting you on the spot on this one Great. So one lady on YouTube she described multiples grosses as someone walking up to you and going you're going to be in a really bad car accident some day soon and walking away and that's all the information that you have.
Speaker 2:And there you are left withholding this dread.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's the five step process to get over that yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm going to tell you what I tell a lot of people with dread, which is we could spend our time worrying about what tomorrow is going to look like, but we don't know what tomorrow is going to look like. Tomorrow may be fine, and now we spent all this time worrying for nothing. It may not. It may be fine for the next five years. We have no idea. So I tell everyone to bring it back to the present, and a saying I love is real problems have real solutions. So is this a real problem? Because if it is, we're going to solve it right now. If there's a real problem about well, I don't know how this is going to function in my life that we could actually solve or plan for Great, let's do it. If we don't know, then it's not a real problem for today.
Speaker 1:I love the way you worded that and, coincidentally enough, the last episode I recorded was on meditation.
Speaker 2:Ah, yes.
Speaker 1:So it was 45 minutes of talking about being present here and now. I feel like if you listened in, I didn't know you were listening.
Speaker 2:You know, whenever somebody is talking about their anxiety, it's like is it about today, is it about right now, or is it about something that you are thinking may happen? Because that's when we start getting anxiety. It's about thinking of the what ifs, what may happen.
Speaker 1:Do you have any tools or tips to help people with that? I know that's something that I deal with on a regular basis, and I did long before I had multiple sclerosis. It's like thinking about the past, thinking about the future, creating, creating traumatic events that have still never happened, right.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, like your episode last time on meditation, that's how we practice staying in the moment. Okay, you know, meditation is not clearing your thoughts. It's about staying in the moment. It's about acknowledging a thought and coming back to where we are, and if you're living in the moment, you're not worried about yesterday or worried about tomorrow, and normally in the moment, everything's actually okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's amazing how often, if you do bring it to the present, there's no problems.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:There are problems, but often not.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Any other tools besides meditation you might look at?
Speaker 2:I think constantly coming back to is this a today problem? And it's funny now in my office when kids come in they'll start talking about something and they're like but that's actually not a today problem, is it? And I'm like no, that's not a today problem. You know that may be like a December problem, but that's not a today problem. We can't do anything about it.
Speaker 1:It's asking yourself the right questions and almost walking yourself through it by asking yourself the right questions and coming up with it.
Speaker 2:Yes, it's. Can I do something about it Right now? If the answer is no, we have to move on.
Speaker 1:I know you work a lot with teens, so I'm going to take you back to I guess it was 2019 for me. This is it's interesting because now I look back on it, I wasn't actually diagnosed as under investigation, but my son was 17 or 18 at the time and of course I had to tell him what was going on. I'm a little bit emotional when it comes to him, so we decided to go to a restaurant and talk there. Then I knew I could keep it together, but we went through it and he handled it really well. But his comment at the end was pretty funny. He said the next time you have bad news for me, can you start it off with a sentence I'm not dying.
Speaker 2:Yes, because that's where they go to the worst case scenario.
Speaker 1:I'm like I don't have any practice at this. I'm sorry, but if something else happens we'll start with I'm not dying and go on from there. But it was funny not funny at the moment, for both of us, I think.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:What's been your experience with children hearing bad news from their parents along the health front, I guess?
Speaker 2:I think one of the biggest concerns that kids normally are saying to me they want to make sure their parents are being honest with them and not hiding information.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:And that's also very age dependent with how much you're going to tell your kids. If they're in high school, you probably need to be pretty honest with them about what's happening, because they know they know more than everyone thinks they know. When they're younger, you're going to put it more in their terms so they can understand. But one of the biggest things is always are my parents really being honest with me? And to have that conversation to say listen, we know you're able to have an honest conversation with us. We're not hiding anything from you. If you have questions asked, we're going to give you the most honest answers we can, and sometimes those answers are I don't know, and that's okay to say. You don't need to have all the answers. So, rather than kind of making something up or saying, yeah, it's going to be fine To say I don't know, but this is what we're doing about it, this is the plan.
Speaker 1:So you find the children you deal with are comfortable, as long as they feel they're being shared the truth.
Speaker 2:Yes, it makes them feel better, because if they don't think they're being told the truth, their mind is making it way worse than what it actually is. Interesting, you know thinking about all those future problems that may or may not happen. They're thinking worst case scenario.
Speaker 1:Okay, once the information is shared with the teen, do you think monitoring and following up is necessary? Let them deal with it and let them come back to you. Depends on the relationship. What's been in your experience?
Speaker 2:Depends on the relationship, depends on the kid, but normally checking in is a good idea, you know. Normally talking about it. Don't pretend like it doesn't exist. It exists, we can talk about it. You know, sometimes parents don't want to have conversations. Well, we don't want to upset them. Well, it's in their head, they're already thinking about it. Like, put it out there in the open, and if they don't want to talk, that's fine. Don't push it and also understand that they're going to react in their own way and they're going to process it on their own timeline as well.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:So just because they seem perfectly fine for the first month doesn't mean they're going to be perfectly fine five months from there. So you need to kind of keep an eye on it. And oftentimes that's a really good time to get a therapist involved, because kids don't necessarily want to talk to the parent about their feelings because they don't want to upset them and their head is already like well, they have enough on their plate and the last thing we want is a child, you know, stuffing their feelings inside of them. They need to be able to talk about it and process it, and lots of times it is challenging for them to talk about it and process it with their parent, because they just don't want to be an added stress.
Speaker 1:At what age do you think that kicks in? Were that self awareness of a teenager kicks in going? I don't want to add more stress to my mom or my dad.
Speaker 2:It kicks in way earlier than most people think. You know. I hear it from definitely middle school kids as well. Like, well, my parents already spoke a bit to that work. I didn't want to ask them for help with this problem, so it kicks in pretty early. You know, when kids have a relationship with their parents, they want to protect them as well. That's not their role, but it's sometimes what they do.
Speaker 2:We want to make sure that they realize it's not your role to protect your parents' feelings. It's okay, You're a child, but again, having them be able to express that with you know a neutral party is always a plus.
Speaker 1:I'm going to share this out loud, probably the first time ever. So I have that battle with my son because I'm a single dad. I don't have any other family in the local area, so if multiple sclerosis takes a turn for the worse, I need some sort of plan in place. Thank you, I've spoken to him about it. He's 20, becoming a grown-up, and I'm like what, how do you feel about the steps I will take to get myself taken care of? Is that a responsibility you're okay with, or do I go to something outside? I know what his answer is, but in my head I'm going is this his real answer, or am I making dad happy? Right, and I've dug into it and I've gone as far as I can without hitting that brick. Well, what are your thoughts?
Speaker 2:It's a good question Speaking generally. Yeah, it's a good question and I think when you're unsure of that answer, bringing a neutral party to find out and you know, maybe they're fine, maybe they're not, but that neutral person may be able to really help them process it and let them know that they need to do what's good for them and they're able to have a voice.
Speaker 1:And if someone tries to do that with their child and the child resisted it, what would you? Back off and let it go? I?
Speaker 2:would back off. You know you could always try again, but you want to meet your child where they're at. You don't want to, you know, force them to be speaking about it with somebody else if they're just not there yet, and that's okay. You know, sometimes you need to internally process a lot before you're able to talk about it with anyone else, and that just needs to be respected. Again, just like we were talking about earlier that you know it's not from point A to point B, it's all over the place. It's the same with the kids. It's all over the place. You think they're doing great and then all of a sudden it's like, oh no, what's going on? But it's not moving backwards, it's just processing and it's ups and downs.
Speaker 1:Interesting. I think my kid would go just to satisfy me. He'd use the same logic as he did before, but interesting. So you mainly deal with teens and younger people.
Speaker 2:I mainly work with high school and college kids. I work with a lot of college kids across the country because I'm licensed in a few different states, so they tell a health into me often.
Speaker 1:And you just released a brand new book a month ago.
Speaker 2:I did so. My first book I released a year ago and I actually wrote it during COVID because I had so many people who needed therapy and I couldn't possibly get them all in and every other therapist was booked. And you know, what I say at work is kind of the same thing, the same themes, and it's the foundations of building up good mental health for anybody, regardless if you feel like you have anxiety or depression or not. We need to have these habits in place. So there's five physical habits, five more mental health habits that are really daily ones to keep up with. So I wrote a book it's on Amazon Mental Health Uncensored 10 Foundations Every Parent Needs to Know, but really it's like whatever adult needs to know.
Speaker 2:And then I just published a book which is a workbook for teens based on those principles Mental Health Uncensored 10 Foundations Every Teen Needs to Know and it actually brings them through every foundation and it has a you know worksheets associated with it so they can actually take. The time period is like 30 days to get into these really great habits for life and their habits that I wish I knew about when I was in high school. You know, I can't believe it took me so long to be hydrated. You know, water is one of my principles in that book and I can't tell you the difference it makes. And we don't realize it when we're dehydrated, how, you know, unfocused and moody we can be. So it's simple steps.
Speaker 1:Human beings are simple sometimes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sometimes we make it more complicated than what it needs to be.
Speaker 1:How about you drink some water?
Speaker 2:I mean I had kids in my office all the time complaining about headaches, like, did you drink water? And they're like, well, no. And I was like, can we start there before you go off to a neurologist Do you know about to see if there's a neurological issue? Can we just hydrate ourselves and see if that works? And I think we forget the basics. And that's what this book is. It's bringing back the basics, because you are not going to be in a good mood if you are eating junk, not sleeping too much screen time and dehydrated. It's not going to work.
Speaker 1:So what are the most nutrition discussions about? Is it the basics again?
Speaker 2:It's back to the basics. It's if you can't pronounce the ingredients, it's probably not helpful for you. You know we need nutrients. People don't realize but 90% of your chemicals are made in your gut. So when we talk about a lack of chemicals, which are creating, you know, these poor moods and depression and anxiety, we have to take it back to the basics. What are you eating?
Speaker 1:How do you find the teens respond to that?
Speaker 2:So they normally don't buy in at first, until they start trying and then they actually see a difference.
Speaker 1:See or feel, both Okay.
Speaker 2:Both, because what also normally happens this is how they buy in a little bit quicker is that their skin clears up. That's normally how they buy in at first. All of a sudden, they cut out all the sugar and the oily food and they're like oh, I look great. Yes, now think about what that's doing for your whole body, right? So they really they get hooked. And you know, I have college kids who are meal planning and freezing their healthy, nutritious meals and making their smoothies and they have energy and they're just able to handle stress better and they see it and they know it.
Speaker 1:But do you talk about exercise with them?
Speaker 2:Yes, I do, and I say it because it's important for mental health. There may be an added benefit of you might like the way you look after exercise, but that's not my goal. My goal is mental health, and there are studies that show that exercise is as effective, if not more effective than antidepressants. Because, again, with exercise we're releasing the feel good chemicals.
Speaker 1:So this is not advice to anyone listening, because I'm not a medical professional but I was able to let go of antidepressants back in 2017 through working out, so yes. Under the advice of my doctor.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes. So it's you know and I. What I also say and you know I write about this in the book when I talk about exercise is that, even if you are on medication, if you're exercising, it's only going to help you feel better. It will just help. So it's about getting back to the basics and being able to really build yourself up.
Speaker 1:Do you have any references or recommendations for teens in terms of exercise and helping them to? I guess there's two parts that all helps reduce mental health, but is there a specific path you guide them down or is it whatever they're happy with?
Speaker 2:I tell them to try everything, and whatever they enjoy is what they should be doing, and that is very different for everybody, I know for myself. I hate running, I won't do it, I don't like it. It's very rare that I do it.
Speaker 1:Tell us how you really feel.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I love weights and I love yoga and that's where I go and that's what builds me up and makes me feel good.
Speaker 1:We're going down a path that I love. So do you encourage moderate exercise? Do you encourage strenuous? Do you have a like you're sitting with someone? Is it more what they feel, or?
Speaker 2:It's whatever works for them, because the reality is you just need to be moving your body. And if a kid goes from not moving their body to moving their body, that's a win. And I do have that talk with parents a lot who will say to me they need to be working out harder, they're not doing enough. No, they just need to be moving. That's the goal here. They need to actually enjoy exercising. So it is a lifetime habit. Not dread it because now we're turning them off to exercising.
Speaker 1:Yeah, if they don't like it, they're not going to adhere to it, they're not going to be consistent, and as soon as everyone stops looking, they're going to stop doing it, exactly Just like adults do Just like adults. Yes, as you mentioned, those parents that were saying they should work out harder. I was almost in my head going I wonder how much they work out.
Speaker 2:And the kids will tell me yeah, I bet they will.
Speaker 1:So like my mom's like, can you run, she doesn't run. Or my mom's telling me to put down my phone.
Speaker 2:She's on her phone all the time and that's what I talk about in my book. Like, parents have to model these behaviors. The kids aren't listening to what you say, they're doing what you do.
Speaker 1:Oh, absolutely.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. In fact, they're probably doing the opposite of what you say.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Depending on the age and where you're at in the relationship, they're definitely doing the opposite of what you say, absolutely. You brought up screen time, yes. What type of advice do you give the kids in that way?
Speaker 2:So what's interesting is that when we talk about screen time, the kids know. They know that they get anxious after watching social media. They know it. They don't like to admit it.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:But they get it because they are. They're seeing everybody else's fake, perfectly posted life, and I always stress it is fake. They're showing the best moment, picture perfect, with a filter. That is not their real life and that's important to remember. But when you're being flooded with this information, when you're being flooded with whatever ads or influencers, you're going to feel less than all the time. So you need to come off social media. I have a few kids who every once in a while, will actually delete their social media for a time because they know they just can't do it and then they'll come back on and try to limit the time. It's hard because it's an addiction and it's set up that way to be an addiction. And you talk about anxiety with our high schoolers and our college kids. This is why I mean they are seeing everybody's most perfect life and feeling like they can't keep up.
Speaker 1:Do they share with you and I'm guessing there's both out there it's they're putting themselves out there and not getting the likes, or is it what they're seeing and they don't feel the respiring to that?
Speaker 2:It's both, it's definitely both. And then it's you know, I posted this, this person didn't comment. This person, you know, ignored the pose. Are they really my friend? Like they get so in their head about how somebody liking their social media posts means that they're a real friend?
Speaker 1:So do you get on the path with them of why they're posting?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it's for the likes, it's because it makes them feel good until it doesn't, you know. But really, I mean, social media is a very big issue in society at this point. It's just so unhealthy and they have access to way too much information. I mean, with Snapmaps alone, they can see that their friends are hanging out without them. At this point, you know, they know what's happening and it's just what is Snapmaps? Oh snap, I joke that.
Speaker 2:Snapmaps is doing me in business. So Snapmap is, you know, when you have Snapchat, which is how the kids really communicate. There's a map and it shows where everybody is, so you will see all of your friends like hanging out and you were not invited.
Speaker 1:Oh, wow.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:I didn't know that existed.
Speaker 2:Yes, it is. There is nothing positive coming out of it.
Speaker 1:I hear that. And then I was in a conversation. Someone said kids don't know how good they have it these days. And then I hear that I don't know. I think it's a better oblivion in the dark with my friends who are hanging out Me too, Without me, right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I would not want to grow up in this world of technology. I think it's very challenging and I think it's even hard for adults who are on social media to see and compare themselves to others as well. It's oh, this person got a promotion. Oh, look at this person and their family. No one's melting down. They have such a great family. And again, it's all fake. You know, I also am a speaker and I do a lot of talks and I tell this one story about one of my friends and I always hope she's not listening to me speak, actually, because she'll know who she is. He posts on Facebook constantly about her amazing husband and, oh, he brings her breakfast in bed and they do date night and he brought her flowers and it's amazing and lovely. And then we sat down for lunch one day and the first thing out of her mouth is I can't stand my husband and I want a divorce. Yeah, it's a little bit different than what you're posting on social media.
Speaker 1:So I was speaking to a digital marketing expert. This is quite some time ago. Apparently, there's a direct correlation with a lot of posts about your relationship and the Google search of how do I divorce my spouse.
Speaker 2:That does not surprise me at all. Yeah, so it's important for everybody to remember that this is a fake world that we're entering. Nothing is real on this social media and you know, one of the points I always stress with everybody is that you are never going to be happy if you're constantly comparing yourself to somebody else, and social media is essentially designed to compare yourself to somebody else.
Speaker 1:Comparison is the thief of joy.
Speaker 2:It truly is.
Speaker 1:I didn't expect to get on this path today, but it's interesting because we talk about nutrition, then we talk about social media, and I was talking with someone the other day. It's like there's these people being paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to make sure you eat more than one chip and to make sure you keep scrolling. So if you're not aware, you're done.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1:Their job is to keep you hooked.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:What else do you to go into with kids? I mean, that's all we're talking about nutrition exercise. Is there any other piece that we're not talking about that you typically see with the kids?
Speaker 2:Sleep, sleep is a big one, you know, when you think of teenagers and sleep. Teenagers actually need a lot of sleep. They kind of go back to like their toddler days of needing like excessive amounts of sleep and if they don't, you know you remember a toddler who skipped their nap they're horrendous to be around. And really the same thing is true for teens If they are not getting enough sleep, they are pretty horrendous to be around at times.
Speaker 1:I have some friends like that, so yeah, so we do.
Speaker 2:we talk about sleep a lot because you're gonna be irritable and you're gonna be not nice and you're gonna be moody if you are sleep deprived. And really it's a huge problem for adults as well. Everybody is sleep deprived. I mean, if you just watch TV and sleep all the sleep aid medication ads, it's unreal that we have this big of a problem with sleep.
Speaker 1:Is it really that unreal?
Speaker 2:Probably not, probably not.
Speaker 1:Do we wanna circle back to nutrition and screen time?
Speaker 2:True, very true, and that is absolutely what and it also comes back to. So another one of the things I touch on in both of my books when we talk about the mental health side of it is boundaries. We have to set boundaries. We can't over extend ourselves. We have to be able to say no. And one thing I see a lot of is especially moms staying up all night because they have overextended themselves and they're trying to get a million and one things done that they can't possibly get done during the day. And then I see that with their kids, especially girls, overextending themselves, saying yes to a million and one different things that they shouldn't say.
Speaker 2:You need to be able to say no in life. You need to be able to have boundaries, unless you are just gonna be depleted constantly. So I go into a chapter of that in the Teen Workbook about let's look at your boundaries. What are you saying yes to that you don't enjoy? What does a time suck for you? Why are you saying yes to these things? And we do a lot of breakdowns of all of that because it is important to be able to say no and not feel bad about it.
Speaker 1:Do the lack of boundaries create stress in the teens?
Speaker 2:Absolutely, absolutely, because they are doing a million and one things. And boundaries also come with friendships too. When you have a pile of homework and your friend needs to complain about their significant other for an hour with you on FaceTime, at some point you need to say let's talk tomorrow. I have three hours of homework waiting, but they don't. And that's when we're seeing now. Kids are up till one, two in the morning doing homework because they're not setting boundaries, and it's the same thing with their parents, and that's contributing to our sleep problem.
Speaker 2:And, in my experience, if you're having mental health challenges and you are asleep deprived, it is compounded 100% and for a lot of my kids that's actually one of our first signs that something is going very wrong is when their sleep goes off cycle completely and they start, honestly, almost becoming nocturnal. We know this is our red flag. What's happening?
Speaker 1:When they go nocturnal, you feel that there's a mental health issue occurring that they're not bringing to the forefront.
Speaker 2:Yeah, something is stirring when, all of a sudden, one of my kids who I know typically has sleep issues but when we're on a good path, everything is kind of good and then I'll check in and they're like haven't slept great the last two nights. So I'm like whoa, whoa, whoa, let's examine what's happening in life. And that's like, oh yeah, I am kind of stressed about that and okay, let's try to fix this now and get you back on path. That's normally a pretty big red flag for a lot of my kids, cause I do have the kids who they don't go to sleep until three or four in the morning.
Speaker 1:And that is not normal. So that's sort of a circle, because I didn't ask that question, expecting the answer you gave. Oh, I understand it, cause that's also like I've experienced it Something's on your mind, you don't sleep.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:But if I'm not sleeping and I have, we'll say, a stressful day, for lack of anything else dealing with stress, that day is twice as hard. Yes, probably more than twice as hard.
Speaker 2:Yes, it does go both ways. Either something is brewing that's making you not sleep or you're not sleeping, and now stuff is more challenging. Sleep is really. It's so crucial and I know there's been like a million studies done on even just the health benefits of sleep. Like your body needs it, your mind needs it. It's not something that we could do without.
Speaker 1:And it's not something you can catch up on.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:Do you have any other messages you'd like to share with parents out there who are listening? Or I'm actually going to say for anyone listening who wants to be in a better mental health. I think it applies to everyone.
Speaker 2:It does apply to everybody.
Speaker 1:What?
Speaker 2:I really want the message to be is you can make yourselves feel better. You have to get back down to the basics. Everybody has the power to feel better.
Speaker 1:Eliminating extremes from this question cause the extremes are easy. At what point does someone or someone might go? Okay, maybe I need help.
Speaker 2:I think if the question pops into your head, maybe I need help. It's time to get help.
Speaker 1:That's a great answer. I like that. Yeah, it's perfect. So your book is out. It can be found on Amazon or I guess. Sorry, both books, yes, and how else can people get ahold of you? Follow you all that good stuff?
Speaker 2:Right? Well, of course, talking about social media unfortunately I have to be on it, so on Instagram I am at Carrie Cooper Holistic Therapy and I'm on Facebook as well as Carrie Cooper Holistic Therapy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I have to stop talking about social media and then asking for social media for people.
Speaker 2:I know it is the part of my job, by the way, that I like the least is dealing with social media.
Speaker 1:In what way I just I can't be bothered with it.
Speaker 2:I can't stand it. Okay, and if you go on my stuff, I rarely post but I do post whenever I'm talking and information for people to find, but I don't want to be dealing with social media much, so I don't go on it much.
Speaker 1:I appreciate you coming on so much. That was a lot of great information and I think it's funny. We talk about kids and people with multiple sclerosis and chronic conditions, but realistically, this is just your general health and I think your colors are very much in line with mine and I think everyone needs to hear it and get a little bit better attention to it. Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 2:I really appreciate it. I really appreciate it.